alitloff

My sailboat had been moored across the channel from a couple I kept hearing about all summer, but we came and went on different schedules, so had not yet met. That changed when we all moved our boats into the docks for the winter. Since the water was shut off to prevent burst lines, every three weeks or so, the few of us winter boat residents would get together to pool our hoses, connecting them to the spigot inside the warm shed and running them down the dock, where we would pass the nozzle from boat to boat to fill our water tanks. I met this couple in the shed as we were coiling hoses after the watering orgy. We were chatting, getting to know each other, when their 20-something son grumped in, grumbled a response to something his mother said, and then stomped out. She watched him go with her arms folded, and then said “I can’t wait until his girlfriend gets back from her vacation. He really needs to get laid!”

Not much floors me, but that did. Most mothers don’t acknowledge that their sons are no longer virgins even if they have kids of their own, let alone say that he should go get some action! But this was her, in all her unique and funny and wonderful glory. She and her husband used to race each other down the dock at lunch time. Their boat has a galley with very low standing headroom, and they used to do the ‘which came first’ routine, the boat or the wife, as she was of the perfect stature to fit into the galley and he was not. They had many wonderfully funny bits that they did together, such as, when people would see that they slept in separate bunks, sometimes the comment would be, “I bet you can’t wait until the kids move off the boat so you can move into the double bunk together.” At that point this couple would look at each other in mock horror. She would say, “But he drools!”, and he would say, “But she snores! Why on earth would we want to sleep together?” And then they would both shudder. And then she would say, “However, we are looking forward to when the kids go out on their own. Then we can sneak home for a quickie whenever we want and not have to worry about getting interrupted!” Even after three decades of marriage, they held hands everywhere they went, and she rode right next to him in their truck. Their closeness to each other touched everyone.

When I got ready to sail south the following year, they came to my going away party. They gave me the most wonderful gift, which was a collection of consumables in a canvas bag with all the east and west coast lighthouses printed on it, “to be used for navigation in case you get lost!” But the real gift was their business card, which had written on the back “If you ever need anything, just call us.” That touched me dearly, and as I voyaged south, I would reach into the bag on a long night watch, and come up with a package of cookies or crackers to keep me going. On New Year’s eve, I found myself becalmed offshore with a non-functioning engine, 100 miles shy of my destination, where all my cruising friends were together having a party without me. I was feeling quite sorry for myself alone on the sea, when I remembered the sparkling cider that was still in the bag that this couple had given me months earlier. I popped open the bottle, and as I filled two glasses, one for me and one for the sea, a pod of dolphins swam up and frolicked around my drifting boat, staying to play for over half an hour. It was one of the finest moments of my life.

Years later, I was back here in this town, on my way to a holiday party, when I got the news. I was so crushed I decided to simply buy a bottle of wine to drop off at the bash, and then return home to mourn. I went into the liquor store and grabbed a bottle in a daze. I was in line behind someone, thinking, ‘come on, hurry up, I have to get out of here before I start to cry.’ I got to the register and couldn’t hold it back any longer. The guy behind the counter asked if I was okay, and all I could manage to say was her name. He started crying too! Neither of us could speak, so we cried together as other shoppers looked a bit alarmed, probably hoping that whatever we had wasn’t contagious!

Earlier that very day, I had been filling out my Christmas cards, when this couple’s name came up on my list. I paused to think, ‘how long has it been since I last visited with them?’ We had occasionally said a few words as we dashed past each other’s busy lives, but I was shocked to count back and discover that the last real conversation had been with her, almost three months ago. She and I met on the fuel dock in the drizzle. I had just brought my boat in to the dock to load up the new solar panel and the new autopilot. She was waiting for her husband to come pick her up so they could start their annual fall cruise. As we stood there chatting so enjoyably, I thought about how much I loved this woman and how lucky I was to know this couple. Too much time had passed since we had last talked. I had set aside their Christmas card to deliver in person the next day.

That following Monday, the boat yard gang went into the local market for lunch as they had done for the last 20 years. But this time, she was not among them. As they headed to the deli counter, everyone working behind it began to cry. As the gang collected their soggy sandwiches and headed to the soup/salad area, everyone there began sobbing. And as they got to the registers, not one cashier had dry eyes. By then neither did the boatyard crew, despite their determination to not give into tears.

I’m guessing that the few people not fortunate enough to know this woman probably thought this town was a terrible place, if everyone in it was so unhappy that they were all crying! I am sorry for any merchants whose holiday sales were off that year as we scared people away with our unabashed sobbing.

It has been four years since the church was filled beyond capacity, overflowing onto the sidewalk. We will always remember her with love and a smile, and can only try to be as upbeat, caring, and as fun loving as she.

Life is to be enjoyed, go forth and celebrate!