‘Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.’
OK, let’s break this down:
‘If you give her sperm, she’ll give you a baby.’ Eek. Don’t you dare. I’m barely domesticated, and don’t EVER want any of that baby stuff. ~shudder~ I’m extremely allergic. I remember this one time, over two decades ago, when someone forced me to hold one of those tiny, wiggly, wormy, squirmy, squally smelly things. The relief I felt when it was taken off my hands…Whew. I still have flashbacks and nightmares.
‘If you give her a house, she’ll give you a home.’ I’m still struggling with this whole landlubber concept. A sailboat might be acceptable, however. I like that rocky-rolly thing.
‘If you give her groceries, she’ll give you a meal.’ Um, yeah, I hate to cook. If we catch a fish, sushi we can discuss.
‘If you give her a smile, she’ll give you her heart.’ My heart disappeared quite a while ago, meaning that I now truly am the cold-hearted b***h I’ve been accused of being. I’m more likely to take that smile the wrong way and beat the living crap out of you.
‘Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater.’ But of course I make all things greater, just by the fact that I am female.
‘She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her. So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit.’ Yeah, that part I can do. In spades.
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