Why run with the crowd when you can run around in circles?

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Famous


Last winter I lived on a boat docked in a working boatyard where commercial fishing boats were built. I have a talent not many women can, or would ever want to, lay claim to. I can pee over the rail of any boat alive, whether it’s parked at a dock or bounding about in an active seaway. This particular boat that I stayed on had, like so many boats possess, a leaky, stinky toilet. Rather than deal with the spray of icky toilet water on my leg when I flushed, after dark and after the boatyard had shut down for the night, I would simply pee over the rail.

One night when I came back to the yard, the boat’s owner asked me if I had seen anything unusual that morning as I left for work, anyone in the boatyard, or any unfamiliar cars. Well, it was 6 a.m., still dark, and my eyes weren’t even open yet. It’s a miracle I could find my own car, let alone notice anything else around me. Turns out some stuff had gone missing. “That’s okay,” he said. “They’ll just review the camera tapes to see what happened.”

Huh? What camera tapes? “Oh, this whole place is under video surveillance, including the docks and boats.” Wondering vocally why this was the first I was hearing of this, he said, “oh, I thought you knew that. Besides, they never look at the tapes unless something happens.”

Well, stuff happens. If you ever see a youtube video of a girl peeing over the rail of a docked boat, that’s probably me. My moment of fame.