Oh my god, the horror of it all! What is this world coming to? We need to address this disaster immediately. Bring out the lawyers, call the insurance company. Imagine my shock when I read this headline this morning:
Hot Tub Injuries on the Rise
"Although some steps have been taken to make hot tubs safer, increased prevention efforts are needed," said a representative for the coalition of hot tub sellers. “We are currently undergoing intensive research, by drinking champagne in the hot tub round the clock, to see what disasters may occur."
“Based on our findings, funded by a 6.8 million dollar government grant, we’ll suggest warning labels to be plastered all over hot tubs before they can be sold. However, additional research grant money may be needed to thoroughly investigate this deadly new danger, as well as to provide programs to educate the public about the hazards of using a hot tub. We may also need to research the use of safety harnesses, life jackets, knee/elbow pads, and helmets, for use while in or near a jacuzzi. Plus, funding should be made available to study the feasibility of creating a licensing class for any individual wanting to get within 50 yards of a warm, burbling tub of water. One way or another, we’ll work to keep these morons safe from their own stupidity. Not because we give a crap one way or another whether or not some bonehead slips and falls on a wet surface. We just don’t want to get sued.”
There you have it. Who would have imagined a wet surface could possibly be slippery?
