Last Shop

Today was the last day you’ll see me in a retail store until next year. And that’s not just because I’m cheap, waiting until after the new year so I can get all the post-holiday deals.

Many holidays found me away from family, traveling around on a small sailboat, usually in some remote area, far from commercialism. I learned to scrounge the beaches for shells, flowers, and other debris to decorate the boat. I would make my own cards and send them to my family and far away friends, expressing my love and appreciation. Fellow sailor/friends would receive coupons for boat work, spare boat parts I’d never use that they could, or invitations to dinner.
My mate would get coupons good for,
Well never mind.

My first year back in ‘civilization’ was a rude awakening. Everyone around me was madly dashing, cranky, complaining about how they were too busy for Christmas but it had to be done. Just another job on the list of expectations, like ‘varnish the toe rail’ on the boat to-do list. Bah humbug. Yes my best friend is the Grinch. While appalled at this fine display of holiday cheer, I still tried to play along.

That was the last year I did my part to ‘stimulate’ the economy. Yes, that's right, I am responsible for the downfall of the entire financial system, because I refuse to Christmas shop. My idea of Christmas spirit is not about getting mowed down in the parking lot. It's not about having my toes crushed by a loaded shopping cart pushed by some spoiled suburban housewife in a rush to grab that last toy so her bratty little darling doesn’t feel deprived. It's not standing in long lines hearing people say repeatedly, "well I don't really feel like decorating but it's expected."
Every year, right before black friday, I make sure I have everything I need to see me through this merry holiday season. Light bulbs, contact lens solutions, duct tape, windshield washer fluid, spray paint, floor wax, spare door knobs, two turtle doves...

…Oh *#&%, I forgot to get a snow shovel! Oh well, then I'll just stay in until it melts...

By stocking up before the ogres come out on Black Friday, all I need to do between now and next year is to hit the supermarket for consumables, until it's safe to shop again. Since I don’t eat much, that’s easy, and if it gets too crazed in the grocery, I can always live on sprouts until it's safe to come out again.

So there you have it. My friends and family will once again have to make do with handmade gifts and cards, and deal with my expressions of love and caring. What would the world come to if we all took time out to do that to each other?