The $1,000 Stomach Ache

It began with me washing the poo off my dog’s butt at 5 am. I dunno, maybe it’s just me, but I can think of a few better ways to start a day. At 9, she tossed her cookies. At 11:00, she looked at me with glazed eyes, obviously unwell. By 1, she couldn’t even stand up.

I learned something that day. Vets are like people doctors. They’re all off playing golf on Wednesdays. That left me with only the most expensive place to take her, the doggy ER.

Had I not taken her, odds were high that she would have died. The cause is still not certain. Let’s, shall we, list the known toxins on our 23 acres of property, of which she has free reign: There’s the ‘graveyard’, which is the area in the vicinity of the cat door. It’s always littered with corpses of all types: Birds, mice, moles, voles, chipmunks, formerly cute little bunnies, the occasional bat, and other creatures that are no longer identifiable. Normally there are at least three dead things available for immediate consumption at any given time. That cat is a career killer.

All over can be found an assortment of cat poopsicles, deer scat, rabbit raisins…Ok, let’s face it, there’s a lot of yummy crap out there. But apparently that’s not only harmless, it can even be beneficial to a dog. Lovely. And I suppose rolling in doodoo is good for her coat? Maybe, but it’s not good for my nose, which is why she gets chucked in the tub on the occasions when she comes in reeking.

Then there’s the compost heap full of used dirt and micro green bits. My dog loves the greens that grow in the greenhouse (which is why she’s not allowed in there-dogs in the trays are not up to code), but I’m guessing that, like the carcasses, after those tasty treats have been decomposing for a while, they probably aren’t the healthiest choice of snacks.

Then there’s the infinite supply of sticks to chew into bits.

Whatever it was that nearly did her in, she certainly seems all better now, ready to romp and chomp once again. Thank goodness it’s a crappy weekend, not suitable for playing outside. When it stops raining, if it ever does, I intend to surreptitiously monitor her movements, in what will most likely be a vain attempt to discover what it was that she munched. In about a week, she gets her liver functions rechecked. If everything is fine, it was simply something she ate.

That was a heck of an expensive meal.