How Safe Is Your Car?

That depends on how you drive it. If you believe that you have one of those magic cars that will glide smoothly across ice all by itself at 70 mph, here’s a tip: your car is not safe.

If you’re driving on a jam packed three lane highway where everyone else is going 40, odds are, that if you believe you can continue to travel at 90 by zipping in and out of traffic, your car is not safe.

If your mechanic told you a year ago, when you last got your oil changed, that you needed new brakes, your car is probably not safe. Especially if you have to start slowing down a quarter mile away from a stop sign in order not to skid through it.

If you stole your car, it’s probably not safe.

If your car doors lock automatically when you accelerate over 25, and then you drive into a lake causing all the electronics fail, your car is probably not safe.

If you’ve aged past the ability to merge into traffic from an on ramp, your car is probably not safe.

If you leave the keys in the ignition and the doors unlocked while parked in front of a Bronx mini mart, your car is probably not safe.

If you pass a cop who’s going the speed limit, your car is probably not safe.

If one of your wheels just flew past you on the highway, your car is not safe.

If you own a Yugo…well nevermind, if you own a Yugo you don’t really own a car.

If you bought the biggest, honkenest, most expensive gas guzzling SUV that you could never afford, and then got laid off, your car is probably not safe. (BTW: driving a hummer is the same as wearing a sticker that says ‘look at me I am a giant weenie’-which we all know means that it’s actually very tiny.)

And because I just said that to all the hummer owners out there, my car is not safe.